she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How naked do you want me to be?
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