Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize