She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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