If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
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