Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this just has baby written all over it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
