Yo dont text me then not text me
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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