I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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