Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
third nipple confirmed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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