if i can run in heels then i can drive
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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