Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
