This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
