I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
