I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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