ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
