I'm gonna have a badass scar
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They took my balls.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
