I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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