No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
