i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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