Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The adults are the big ones right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
