I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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