I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
