so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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