That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
