I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
