All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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