and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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