is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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