and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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