So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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