I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
