My brain says no but my pants say off.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
