I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
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