i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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