barbara walters just said penis...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
