I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I enjoy the company of your penis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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