I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
