the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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