4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
