if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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