If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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