absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
