Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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