Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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