Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
