2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
