when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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