I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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