FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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