So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
