I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
