True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
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He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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