Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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