She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
