even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
