we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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