My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
