Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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