the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
