After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
