there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
