Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
